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Home > Dissident Left Archive > "Yahi hota hai, ishq karne se maar daalte hai" - Time to think - Why such (...)

"Yahi hota hai, ishq karne se maar daalte hai" - Time to think - Why such mortal fear of love? What’s really India’s greatest security threat?

by Dilip, 20 September 2013

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"Yahi hota hai, ishq karne se maar daalte hai" 
’This is what happens. If you fall in love, you are killed’

NB - The sheer brutality of what is happening to women, especially young women and children, the hatred of young lovers (I would have burnt my daughter alive for premarital sex: Delhi gang-rape lawyer) - should make us think again about India’s ’greatest security threat’. If Asaram Bapu’s lawyer can tell the court that the accuser has a disease that draws her to men, is this not another expression of the depths of cruelty that have surfaced in our society? Just read what happened to Nidhi and Dharmender - not only were they murdered, but the boy was cruelly tortured and mutilated. And she was lynched by her own parents.. 

All of us - especially the young, who are meant to have their future before them - should think about what direction our society is taking. What do your most admired figures, political or otherwise, have to say about this? The other day Ms Uma Bharti insisted that Asaram Bapu was being framed. Why not say something about this? We may disagree about the values of the concerned family. What about the violence? Did these children deserve to be butchered? Why is a woman’s freedom to choose whom to love so disturbing to conventional society that it is punished so brutally? What are the social, political and psychological implications of this? 

Those who claim to lead us - whatever their affiliations - must be asked to take a stand on this matter. Silence and retreat are not an option. The onslaught on women is the greatest social calamity facing us. - Dilip
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He was a poor boy, hailing from a family of farmers. She was a rich girl, with her family running a dog breeding business which had an outlet in Delhi’s R K Puram area. But that was the least of their problems. Both Dharmender Barak, 23, and Nidhi Barak, 20, hailed from the same village of Gharnavati, and belonged to the same gotra. Despite the odds, the two decided to get married and eloped on Tuesday. A day later they were dead, allegedly murdered by her family in a suspected case of honour killing. Nidhi was reportedly lynched and cremated. Dharmender was allegedly beaten up, stabbed and beheaded, and his head dumped outside his house. The police have arrested four people — Nidhi’s father Billu, uncle Ravinder, mother Rita and their driver Mahesh Chimpi. But Dharmender’s relatives are not willing to speak. They haven’t even filed a police complaint. They don’t let his mother speak either, dragging her indoors when she walked out to address the media. Police said the two had been in a relationship for the last three years. While Nidhi was pursuing a course in fine arts, Dharmender was doing an ITI diploma course.


"While the financial status of the two families is very different, the girl’s family disapproved of the relationship as they were from the same village and same gotra," said a senior police officer. The couple eloped on Tuesday, but Nidhi’s family reportedly lured them back on Wednesday. "They promised them that they could get married. They sent their car to bring them home," said the officer. On arriving home, Nidhi was killed first. "Dharmender was tortured, the bones in his hands and legs were carefully broken, and he was stabbed repeatedly on his chest," he said. The police said the youth was then beheaded and his head was dumped outside his house. "At that time, there were no male members in Dharmender’s house and nobody came out. We think Dharmendra may have been decapitated in full view of those inside the house," said the officer.

"No missing persons report was filed by either family when the couple eloped on Tuesday. Moreover even after the boy’s severed head was dumped outside his house, his family members didn’t come to the police. The FIR in the case has been registered on the basis of the statement of the station house officer of Kalanaur," said Rajesh Duggal, Rohtak SSP. It’s not just Dharmender’s relatives who are unwilling to speak. None of the villagers are ready to give a statement either. Many of them even feel the killings were "just". "Yahi hota hai, ishq karne se maar daalte hai (This is what happens. If you fall in love, you are killed)," said a village elder.

Torture, death for lovers: Girl lynched by family, boy beheaded in Haryana village
A Rapist Culture


Mr. Ram Jethmalani when defending Asaram in a sexual assault case is reported to have said in Court: “the girl was afflicted with a chronic disease, which draws a woman to a man,” and that “this was subject to police investigation.” This is a vile, defamatory and vulgar statement meant to overawe the minor girl. It calls for great courage for a minor girl to file a complaint against AsaramBecause of the National mood due to the supreme sacrifice of Nirbhaya girls are now gathering courage to report cases of molestation, sexual harassment, assault and rape. The trial is of Asaram, not of the victim. Mr. Jethmalani’s pronouncement appears to assassinate the character of the victim to overawe her and threaten her with character assassination. If this becomes the trend defence lawyers will consider it legitimate to use such despicable tactics and the entire gain in getting girls to report such heinous crimes will regress. We demand action against Mr. Jethmalani by the Bar Council to cancel his membership.

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